Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Drew's Drawing of the Day

It's here people. Well, not here it's actually at or you can follow the link in the "My other shit" box to the left.

P.S: I am aware all these posts looks like a northern English frustrated musician/artist has written them exactly like how he talks, with no regard to grammar, punctuation, or sentence structure... well there's a good reason for that. So, for that reason, every post here will be getting an overhaul very soon.

Monday, 23 July 2012


I'm ill; Saturday I did what I have never done before, I threw in the towel and asked my Shift manager if I could go home... He called me a little bitch, but he let me go. After a few days of sweats, aches, headaches and a whole hue cycle of phlegm I decided to do the second thing I never do... make a doctors appointment.
I have Tonsillitis. Seriously, I always thought this was a kiddie illness from swapping sweets and eating everything from crayons to clumps of dirt. I reckon it's all the passive smoking I 'm addicted to. (I went on holiday once, I started craving something extremely band, I didn't have a clue what it was until I got back to the smoking circle at work.)

I'm on penicillin and off work until Friday and I'm already incredibly bored. I've only got a few hobbies, mainly playing the guitar and drums, drawing and reading. Well, I've played my guitar so much my finger tips are ripe, and I really don't want to start any new books until I finish the one I'm half way through; unfortunately its in my locker at work. So that leaves drawing... In all honesty I just can't be bothered drawing anything at the moment.

Anyway, I'm watching cartoon network. In my underwear. Eating grapes (because thats how I roll when I'm a poorly boy). I love a show on cartoon network, it's called Adventure time, I may do a separate post about it,  you should check it out in the meantime. BUT aside from adventure time, EVERYTHING ELSE IS SHIT. Is this the garbage tele is shoving down youths throats today? Its awful; Ben10, The High Fructose Adventures of Annoying Orange, fucking Lego Ninjago? Its pure crap. What happened to wholesome, educational, shows the entire family could enjoy like Cow and chicken, Johnny Bravo or the greatest animation series of all time Ren and Stimpy? There isn't a close up shot of a shiny bottom or snot filled nostril in any of the new shows.

Some of you out there may blame social/psychological problems, and religious fanaticism when people go running around on murder rampages, or blowing themselves up. I can tell you now It is actually directly triggered by good cartoons being canceled and replaced by shite ones. (I base this fact on no evidence whatsoever)

Below I have posted a few pictures I drew. In them I included some truly fucking brilliant cartoons.  By the way, as a grown male, I do not fell at all embarrassed that I still have favorite cartoons. Infact, If you don't have a favorite cartoon you are boring and all your childhood memories and stories suck.


Before you view the pictures you must prove yourself by reciting this (ripoff quote)... "Perfect! The oath! Put your hand on the computer screen and repeat after me. I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren and Stimpy show. To make underleg noises during the good scenes. To wear unwashed Lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life! That's it, you're in our secret club! Alright Stimpy, they're OK. Show them the stuff."

I will put a word in for Pokemon. Though not strictly a cartoon (as my friends who are into Anime, Manga and probably other nefarious Asian animations tell me) it has been on cartoon network. There are just too many awesome Pokemon characters, my fingers would be nubbier than my pencils if I attempted to draw just the ones I favoured in the games (I played Crystal). I have however drawn two...


I hope you now go and revisit all the kickass cartoons you watched back in the day.

P.S: I will be doing a new blog (link will be available under the archive list) called Drew's Drawing of the Day . It's where my best buddy Andrew asks me to draw something completely outlandish/offensive/ridiculous and because I love him dearly and constantly crave his approval and attention I do it without questioning.

Thursday, 19 July 2012


Today, I was totally taken aback by a brief yet extremely volatile uncharacteristic out-burst from my friend.

We agreed, nay swore to each other that we shall both join the gym and get ourselves not only into shape, but gain some sweet pecs in the process; sealed by a first pump and solemn nod, this is now an unbreakable oath (you think the fellowship of the ring was for real reals? Well, this is way more serious.) Quickly we found ourselves in the situation of "ah shit, we actually have to find a Gym and sort out all the bollocks of subscribing." This proved to be a sweat breaking workout on it's own. He worked his way down the list of local gyms ringing each one (I was spotting for him) each time getting a disappointingly expensive answer to our fees questions; It seems many gyms in Warrington cost so much to join you'll probably lose weight because you can't afford to eat let alone exercise. Moral plummeting, it happened; He lost his shit. The conversation I heard went like this;

"Hi, I'm pricing up fees for gyms in the area, and I'd just like to know how much a monthly subscription to your gym is."
"Ok. no. I can't come in I'm at work. Can you just tell me the monthly subscription please?"
"ah huh, yeah, ok, no love, no, I just want you to tell me the cost to join the gym."
"Are you able to tell me over the phone?"
"Why can't you just tell me over the phone? "

This is the point his hand is needed to support his head thinking man style.

"That's stupid, just tell me over the phone, I'm not coming in to ask the same question I've asked you 5 times."
"Yes I'm local."
"You don't need to know my name at present."
"Irrelevant, you don't need to know my address, I only want to know the price of a monthly fee."
"What? Why on earth do you need to know where I work?"

This is where his tone turns from mildly annoyed to 'your pushing my buttons'

"Well I'm not telling you where I work."
"Look Miss, stop asking me stupid questions about my personal life, that has nothing to do with this, just tell me the bloody subscription fee."
"Do you understand English, then why can't you just answer my question?"
"JESUS; Do you want to know my shoe size too? How about the name of my first pet? or where I went to school?"
"Why am I being rude? I'm not being rude."

This is where his buttons are blinking 'DANGER'

"No darlin' I'm not being rude, if anything you are being rude asking for details about me that are non of your business."

I can only assume the woman on the other end of the conversation dropped the, "I'm just doing my job" line. My friend is a lovely guy, with alot of patience (where we work you need it) but the way we look at things is; unless you're a person with a medical condition, or an obligation of some kind that causes you to take the piss, you are fair game for our disdain (rhyming skills), and will receive it without mercy.


"oh for fucks sake"

Shoots me a look that says it all 'She's crying'

"£34 a month."

"no, I'm not interested, that's to much. have a nice day"

Immediately his forehead uncreased and he nonchalantly dials the next number.

P.S; I'm throwing the rip off quote in with the post-post-scriptum.

P.P.S; Me and this guy are huge nerds when it comes to cinema, and have a collective knowledge that would make IMDB's toes tingle. We have a game where we drop movie quotes, and have to figure out what film it was from. So, this is for you buddy:

"You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you."

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Vegetarian burger

Being a red blooded Englishman, on a Sunday I eat roasted beef, pork, turkey, lamb or occasionally goose. I enjoy these swimming in thick roast gravy made from their stock and juices. What ever vegetables I have it with is about as important as where the cutlery I'm using was made (Sheffield for those of you who really care). I love the traditional Sunday roast, I love it so much I go to a pub/restaurant called the Toby Carvery midweek so I can have a Sunday roast on a Tuesday! WHOA TOTAL MINDFUCK! Yes, you read correct. It's the Mecca of meals out. There is always at least 4 delicious meats available. You choose what you want, they carve it off the joint and you can then go pile potatoes and carrots n shit on top. I have all 4 together and lemme tell you, there is nothing like eating 4 different types of animal at once.

While eating my meal today I almost choked on my gammon (could of been lamb, I had both stuffed in my gob at the time) why? Because I heard the most ridiculous question ever... "is there a vegetarian option?"... I was speechless, chewing still, but speechless. Why? Why would someone not want meat and come to a fucking carvery? It's like a priest going to a brothel and asking for a haircut, IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! Yes yes yes, I know some people out there have a personal issue which stops them from eating good food; but I still struggle with the concept. Usually I leave these odd people be, but if there is anything that makes my blood fucking curdle it's a self righteous douchebag; before the waiter had chance to answer the first question it was quickly followed by the statement "I don't eat meat" (yes you cretin, we figured that out when you inquired about a non-delicious option) and then even more infuriating he finished with "I think it's immoral".

That Bastard. He just bareface insulted everyone in the room trying to enjoy a meal. At this point I turned around to get a good look at this prince of high moral fibre... He had an asymmetrical fringe hair cut and sunglasses on indoors; yup, he may have bloody shins because he can't see shit in the rooms soft lighting, but at least he feels cool. His opinion on everything now utterly destroyed in my eyes I shifted gaze to his partner, student written all over her; sheik hipster, painstaking effort into making her hair look like a jet flew past at mac3 and wearing a "stay calm" shirt. Yuppies. These two come in to an eating establishment focused on the carving of fresh roast meats in order to sit at the centre of the room and look down their noses at everyone, and that my friends is why I despise vegetarianism.

I have friends that don't eat meat, either because it doesn't agree with them or because they are plain fussy. The difference is they don't feel like they are better than anyone else for it. On the other hand I have friends (I like less) that constantly try and engage me in debate (I use the word debate loosely as it's more of a lecture followed by the ability to completely disregard all reasonable feedback).
 I can almost guarantee the same points are made every time I get drawn into one of these inane conversations;

"Do you like animals?"

I love animals.

"how can you love an animal if you eat them?"

I love all animals; pork, beef, poultry, game bird, lamb etc...

"It's murder, you are enabling the slaughter of millions of animals a year"

No, I am actually ensuring the survival of species; do you seriously think cows or chickens would not go extinct in a generation if we stopped domesticating them?

"No they'd be able to live fine"

How? 1. They'd not have a nice pasture, we now use that land for other things, no more free grass.
 2. Predators like foxes would ravage chickens, or do you suggest we kill them to save the now useless chicken?

This is where the deflecting statements and facts come in to try and battle the logic...

"The land we use to feed cattle and other livestock, if it was used to grow produce such as wheat or grain it would be enough to feed the world!"

Fact: pasture land used for livestock is nearly always unsuitable for growing crops or cereals.
Fact: we already grow enough produce to feed the entire world.

"Then why is there so much famine and starvation in the 3rd world?"

Because of economics; regardless of grain amount, the rich still own the means to grow, harvest, treat and distribute. The poor still have no means of purchasing it.

"Well; food would still be cheaper, a steak costs far more than a turnip"

Yes, and if tomorrow meat was off the shelves I'd give it a week before prices change, a turnip may end up costing as much as a lamb joint... Why? Supply and demand; again basic economics, the rich will want to stay rich, the rest of us will still be their bitches.

Trumped by simple business logic the last stand is used... This question and answer combo was coined by a guy called  Harvey Diamond, and I supposed to point out that we do not naturally eat meat. It is used constantly by a total smug prick called Gary Yourofsky (a criminal, terrorist, and militant vegan moron).

“You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.” 

This is the stupidest point I've ever heard. Aside from the obvious flaw of the baby not having teeth to eat an apple or a bunny. For the sake of arguing against this point let me retort in the same principle. If I was put in a room with a bunny and an apple I'd eat the apple. BUT if the baby was in a room where there was rabbit stew, or a handfull of apple pips, will it chow down or grow an apple tree? Boom! I'll have a '69 Chevrolet Impala please Harvey.

"Ok, well, humans aren't designed to eat meat, our intestines are to long; predators have small intestines to digest the meat before it rots."

Our evolution has granted us the capability to cook meat. properly prepared it won't rot quickly in the gut like raw meat in a lions belly. Humans are a coastal creature, we initially ate fish and foraged on the coasts and the seas, we then migrated inland and became nomadic hunters, finally we learned to grow crops and domesticate animals.
Still this reasoning never changes minds. I sometimes think lack of meat causes short sightedness and inability to process logic.

This rant went on longer than it meant to, seems I have more suppressed disdain than I originally thought. So with no further adieu I'll finish with my usual rip off quote of the post; "Vegetarians? Throw 'em all on the barbecue. More meat for the meat eaters!"

Night y'all, I'm famished, gonna go and see how many different types of meat I can get on a sandwich.

P.s: Maddox, probably the greatest blogger (though he'd likely rupture my spleen by spitting chewed beef jerky like a cannonball at me for calling him that) has some great articles about his hatred of vegetarians on his sight. No direct link, you can sift through to find it, believe me, you'll enjoy his other stuff while trying to find it.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

28days later...

I've found myself pulling a night shift at the general hospital. I'm pretty bored, but I got a fairly good deal out of taking up the overtime ( hours playing ElderScrolls taught me how to haggle ). I am to spend 12.5 hours in a small room, until I'm relieved by a colleague. It's hot, and dark and pretty boring. Thank goodness I have my phone with me (HTC1X, free WiFi - that's how I roll).

Anyway it's 4am, I'm bored of skipping through countless semi interesting wiki pages. Feeling my eye lids getting heavy I did what I usually do at 4am, get some Dr Pepper.
As I exited the tiny room I entered a dark ward, not a soul... Same on the ground floor, and through the 3 wings to the vending machines. Spooky. I got to thinking FUCKING COOL! This is JUST like the film 28days later! I don't know if it's cause I'm low on blood sugar (felt rotten for a while since I near pez dispensered my self shaving earlier) or if it's cause I'm 22 going on 12 but I started pretending I was Cilian Murphy running around all confused... Silently shouting "hello? Is anyone there?" And "what's happened?" Prancing around looking through windows, bewildered by the total stillness and over turned rubbish bins (seriously, no shit, cleaning staff must have Sunday's off) I was having a Mecha fun time. That is until I bumped into a nurse and felt like a right pratt. I spent the rest of my journey to the vending machines chin firmly tucked in, and eyes to the floor.

Long story short, found the vending machines, I see Dr Pepper; selection B7 then the rip off quote of the post hit me... "What's the worst that could happen?"... Well, all the blowing and rubbing I could muster on my handful of 50ps wouldn't make a difference; it appears these machines don't accept coins, "fucking excellent" only 6mm of plexiglass separates me from my Dr Pepper. Like the first living white guy that saves Cilian Murphy in 28days later who got macheted by the black chick cause he possibly got infected, I was totally fucked... And thirsty.

Im now watching Shaun of the dead on pay-per-view, ironic. Roll on 8am.

My favorite song

After being reminded of my long lost favourite song by a good friend, I have spent a total of 3 hours listening to it on repeat. I love this song. I love it so much I'm switching text colour. I love everything about this song, and how no matter what situation I'm in, happy or sad, it seems to somehow fit.

Prince is a freakin' legend.

If you disagree you are wrong. If you use the words: 'my, opinion, taste or objective' in argument with me when I call you a"fucking moron" for not agreeing in the first place, you are a bigger "fucking moron" than I previously thought (disclaimer: by reading this you agree the original statement is true, the repercussions of disagreeing with the statement are just and true, and that I own all your money, your house, your shoes, and your soul). If I could have one wish, it would be to rule the world (dressed a prince, I suppose, to tie things in) and I've already been told this was a great thought... unless I was lied to... you know who you are.

After listening to the moving, passionate, emotional rollercoaster of a ballad; Purple Rain for 3 hours, I thought to myself "Hey, Rich; you know you play guitar, you'd look great in a frilly shirt and mascara... why the heck don't you learn this song"... pst, here comes the rip off quote; so, like Lloyd Grossman and his sauces... I did (minus the shirt, it's in the wash).

Warning, before you click this link "You have to purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka."

Usually I'm fairly modest, but for a first attempt, and only 10 mins of transcribing and the rest pure improvisation; I'm pretty stoked.

Why I blog

"Richard, why are you writing a blog?" Is a question you probably weren't going to ask, but I'll answer it anyway.

I blog, dear reader, for 2 reasons:

1) I occasionally come on to this site to check out a friend's blog; it is mostly about her shoes and nails. Making my own blog validates my reasons for reviewing it and makes me feel less weird about a grown male reading about novelty mustache jewelry and something called a 'Topshop Vectra'.

2) Everyone I know in the real world gets slammed with my opinions, thoughts, ramblings, guitar/drum videos and art work/doodles; WHY SHOULDN'T YOU?

Don't you feel better for knowing? So now to rip off a quotation by The Offspring (I'll be doing a lot of ripping off and quoting);
"It's time to relax and you know what that means; A glass of wine, your favorite easy chair, and of course, this blog illuminating your Monitor. So go on, indulge yourself, That's right, kick of your shoes, put your feet up Lean back and just enjoy the posts. After all, an inane strangers writings on the net soothes even the savage beast..."

PS: My friend's blog is defiantly worth a look, even though it's mostly girly stuff. She is a very funny writer and occasionally posts pictures of her abusing/dressing/playing with her dogs. She has also started doing pretty good movie reviews (which I haven't fully decided whether I'm gonna steal her idea with that or not) check it out; (Hi laura :D)